Habit 1 - Be Proactive

Case Scenario Story

It’s Monday morning, and it’s raining. A gray, melancholy day. On a day like this, maybe we can be excused for feeling gray and melancholy ourselves. We get into a mood, and the whole day seems to go badly. Don’t you feel better when the weather outside is great? But what if you could carry your own weather within you?

What about the social world we live in? Don’t you feel better when you are treated better? That’s being reactive to what we could call the social weather, the social culture. When you carry your weather with you, you can choose to be consistent regardless of how people treat you. That’s what it means to be proactive.

Being reactive is the opposite of being proactive. Not taking responsibility for our own life. This habit is based on the principle that “Your life is the result of your own decisions - not your conditions.”

“Between what happens to us and our response is a space, and the key to our growth and happiness is how we use that space.” - Stephen R. Covey

Lesson to learn: Other people do not make us feel a certain way (mad or miserable). We choose to feel that way. If we do so, we are dependent on that person. We have given our power over to that person and their miserable behavior. We have the power and the freedom to choose, to create our own weather each day.

“Each of us makes his own weather, determines the color of the skies in the emotional universe which he inhabits.” - Fulton J. Sheen

Use Proactive Language

Instead of using phrases such as:

• “I have to…”
• “I can’t…”
• “It’s impossible…”

that reveal our belief that we have no choice and that we are powerless, use phrases that show that we are capable and able to affect change in our life such as:

• “I can…”
• “I choose to…”
• “I will…”
• “Let’s look at all of our options…”
• “I will get this done.”
• “There must be something we can do…”

Those phrases show that we are not victims of our circumstances.

Proactive language also shapes how others see us. If you use the language of powerlessness, others see us as powerless and unable to move forward in challenging situations. As a result, we lose their confidence and trust. Proactive language, however, is entirely different. When using proactive language, we feel better and think better. Others will not see us as victims of the circumstances, and confidence in us grows. They will be more willing to lend us their support and energy.

Focus on Your Circle of Influence

To direct your efforts effectively, you need to understand what you can and can’t influence. Part of being proactive is focusing your energy only on those things you can influence. The Circle of Influence (Emergency preparedness, Community service, Healthy lifestyle changes) and Circle of Concern (Politics, Future health challenges, Potential natural disasters) can help you tell the difference. Proactive people focus on the inner Circle of Influence, while reactive people focus on the Circle of Concern and spend too much energy on it, so they do not have energy and time to focus on the inner Circle of Influence, which in return shrinks.

Real World Example - Story about a Man Who Increased His Effectiveness by Focusing on His Inner Circle of Influence

This principle worked powerfully for one executive. His boss was creative, talented, capable, and brilliant, and everyone knew it. But, he had a very dictatorial style of management. A manager presenting: “But with insight plus we plan to add 8 new features…” The executive enters the office and interrupts: “No, no, no. Take a seat…” The net effect was that he alienated almost the entire executive team surrounding him. But, one of the executives was proactive. He took the initiative, anticipated, and empathized. This man focused on his own Circle of Influence. While others were complaining about what happened at the meeting during their break, the proactive executive thought about the situation. He read the situation. He was not blind to the President’s weaknesses, but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. He read with empathy the President’s underlying concern “Simplify for success.” Where the President was weak in his style, he tried to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he worked with the President’s strengths, his vision, talent, and creativity. He anticipated the President’s needs and had reports ready for the following meeting and presented them to him before the meeting. He also gave his analysis and recommendations along with the report. Little by little, his Circle of Influence continued to expand to the extent that eventually, no one made a significant move in the organization without that man’s involvement and approval, including the President. The President did not feel threatened because this man’s strength complemented his strength and compensated for his weaknesses. So he had the strength of two people. A complementary team. This man’s success was not dependent on his circumstances. It was his chosen response to the circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence that made all the difference.